...try to get the girl

A mathematician and a engineer agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed."

The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the engineer in.

He explains the situation, and the engineer's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?"

The engineer smiles and replied, "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"

Don't Worry God Will Provide

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée.

The conversation precedes like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

Little Johnny Attending Roll Call In School

A teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!

THE 4TH GRADERS

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"

The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".

The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"

Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"

The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"

So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

I'm too young to die!

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

This happened on First Date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

I want to be pure

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

Birthday Sex

A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple inside the parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the drivers seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the driver's window and asks what the hell is going on.

"Listening to music" the guy says. The officer then looks at the young lady in the backseat points at her and asks "What is she doing?" "Reading a magazine of course" says the boy sitting in the drivers seat. The officer definitely suspects something fishy is going on and asks to see the boys license and asks how old he is. "I'm 22 says the boy" with a big smile on his face

The officer then asks "And how old is she?"

The boy looks at his watch and then proudly back at the police officer and says "In 12 minutes she will be 18 years old"

Boys & Girls

The problems with GIRLS:

If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;

If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;

If u Don't, she says u are from CHENNAI.(no offence to Chennai)

If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET!, she says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;

If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.

If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.

If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;

If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;

If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLE LADY.

If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;

If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;

If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please!!!!!

If u share this to girls, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1. You can stare at any Girl

2. You don't have to spend money on her

3. You won't get boring result in your board papers

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life

11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for your date to arrive at some weird shop place

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her

16. You won’t have to fight over having a 'special' friend with your folks

17. No nonstop nonsense

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears

19. No tension

20. You can be "yourself"

21. You won’t have to hide your telephone bills