Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
HOME FROM WORK EARLY ONE DAY
A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and panting on the bed.
"Honey," she said, thinking quickly, "I think I'm having a heart attack!"
While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a naked man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend.
"Damn it, Dave" he shouted, "Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!"
Husband Enjoying Fishing With...
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Just for Laughs
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means , "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
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Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
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Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND
Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool
- You can stare at any Girl
- You don't have to spend money on her
- You won't get boring result in your board papers
- No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing
- If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u
- Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy
- This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring
- You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u
- Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according
- You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life
- You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for your date to arrive at some weird shop place
- You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them
- You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports
- You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less
- You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her
- You won’t have to fight over having a 'special' friend with your folks
- No nonstop nonsense
- You wont have drown in the pool of her tears
- No tension
- You can be "yourself"
- You won’t have to hide your telephone bills
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