Deal Between Salesman and Farmer

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."

The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you."

The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the corn field. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.

The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?"

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "For crying out loud, Mister, doesn't that calf have a Mother!"

Can I Kiss You

The train was traveling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"

"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman and the businessman returned to his paper.

A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"

After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.

A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?"

"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"

"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"

A Smart Businessman

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son.

Jack: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case…"

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case…"

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case…"