Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot

10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"

9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up

8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet"

7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap

6. When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"

5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Lets go find that Mars observer!"

4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform

3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh"

2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport

1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"

Are you feeling better now?

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"