Funny Things Happen At Honeymoon

A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex." This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired. She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again. She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want," He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand."

Which Ball are they talking about

Thats Called America

When you are faking a pose for a camera photo opportunity, at least you can get the phone turned in the right direction! And he wants to be President?

Chairs made from waste paper

Chair made of waste paper from the pleated fabric industry. The paper is wrapped into a cylinder and cut vertically half way so you can peel it one layer at a time.

Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 9. Form a loose grip. 8. Keep your head down. 7. Avoid a quick backswing. 6. Stay out of the water. 5. Try not to hit anybody. 4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you. 3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others. 2. be quiet while others are about to go. 1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

Golf: This hole holds bad memories

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked: "What's wrong?" Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "I’m sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me." One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?" Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole." "Oh my God", the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!" "Horrible?! You think its horrible?" Bob continued still very distressed. "It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..."

What is Arpil Fool

Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April fool’s Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, and is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring. The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the New Year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1. However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the New Year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fool’s errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes. This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April fool’s Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families. In Scotland, for example, April fool’s Day is actually celebrated for two days. The second day is devoted to pranks involving the posterior region of the body. It is called Taily Day. The origin of the "kick me" sign can be traced to this observance. Mexico's counterpart of April fool’s Day is actually observed on December 28. Originally, the day was a sad remembrance of the slaughter of the innocent children by King Herod. It eventually evolved into a lighter commemoration involving pranks and trickery. Pranks performed on April fool’s Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Setting a roommate's alarm clock back an hour is a common gag. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!" Practical jokes are a common practice on April fool’s Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April fool’s Day was a fairly detailed documentary about "spaghetti farmers" and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees. April fool’s Day is a "for-fun-only" observance. Nobody is expected to buy gifts or to take their "significant other" out to eat in a fancy restaurant. Nobody gets off work or school. It's simply a fun little holiday, but a holiday on which one must remain forever vigilant, for he may be the next April fool!

World's Best Insulting Lines

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! 2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? 3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks? 5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face! 6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing 7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head! 8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. 9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents! 11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent! 12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance? 13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent! 14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you? 15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain! 16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them. 17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning. 18. He has a mind like steel trap-always closed! 19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in. 20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory. 21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome. 22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle! 23. He is listed in Who's Who as what’s that? 24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain! 25. He is so short; when it rains he is always the last one to know. 26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. 27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night! 28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty? 30. How would you like to feel the way you look? 31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you? 32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years? 33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly. 34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me. 35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. 36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? 37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me! 38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all. 39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse? 40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame! 41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be! 42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission! 43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you. 44. Do u practice being this ugly?

Happiest Day of Your Life

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

One Short

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."